Why ‘It’s Complicated’ Is Everyone’s Reality

Remember when relationships were simple? Me neither. But at least our parents’ generation had clear markers: you’re either dating or you’re not, you’re either exclusive or you’re not, you’re either married or you’re not. Now? We’re all living in a gray zone of “talking,” “hanging out,” “seeing each other,” and “it’s complicated” – terms so vague they could mean anything from “we’ve texted twice” to “we’re basically married but afraid to admit it.”

Welcome to the era of relationship status overthinking, where nobody knows what they are to anyone else, and everyone’s too terrified to ask. We’ve created a dating landscape so ambiguous that simply trying to understand your relationship status requires a PhD in psychology, a law degree for contract negotiations, and the detective skills of Sherlock Holmes.

The result? We’re all walking around in various states of romantic anxiety, overthinking every text, analyzing every interaction, and somehow turning “What are we?” into the most terrifying three-word question in the English language.

The Situationship Spiral: All the Anxiety, None of the Security

Let’s start with the crown jewel of modern romantic confusion: the situationship. It’s more than a hookup but less than a relationship. You’re together but not together-together. You have feelings but haven’t defined them. You’re exclusive… maybe? Unless one of you decides you’re not? The rules are made up and the points don’t matter, except they do, desperately.

Living in a situationship is like being stuck in relationship purgatory. Your overthinking mind goes into overdrive trying to decode what this actually is:

• They introduced you to their friends. Does that mean something? But they introduced you as their “friend.” Is that significant?
• You have a toothbrush at their place. That’s relationship territory, right? But it’s been six months and you haven’t had “the talk.”
• They text you good morning every day. That’s intimate! But they still have dating apps on their phone.
• You spent the holidays together. Surely that means… something? But their Instagram still says “single.”

Every interaction becomes evidence for the case you’re building in your mind. Are you moving toward a relationship? Are you stuck in limbo forever? Are they seeing other people? Are YOU allowed to see other people? The mental gymnastics required to navigate a situationship could qualify you for the Olympics.

The “What Are We?” Terror

Those three words – “What are we?” – have probably caused more anxiety than any horror movie ever created. The question sits in your throat for weeks, maybe months, as you try to find the perfect moment to ask it. But there’s never a perfect moment, because asking means risking everything.

Your overthinking mind runs through every possible scenario:

Scenario 1: They’re thrilled you asked! They’ve been waiting for you to bring it up! You immediately become exclusive and live happily ever after. (Your anxiety brain gives this a 2% probability.)

Scenario 2: They panic. The question sends them running for the hills. You’ve ruined everything by wanting clarity. You’ll die alone. (Anxiety brain probability: 78%)

Scenario 3: They give you a non-answer. “Let’s just see where things go.” “I’m not into labels.” “Why do we need to define it?” You’re exactly where you started but now with added awkwardness. (Anxiety brain probability: 20%)

So instead of asking, you turn into a relationship detective. You analyze their social media for clues. You dissect every conversation for hidden meaning. You consult your friends, who are all dealing with their own situationship anxiety and can only offer equally confused advice.

The overthinking becomes a full-time job:

• “They said ‘talk to you later’ instead of ‘talk to you tomorrow.’ Are they pulling away?”
• “They liked my Instagram post in 3 minutes last week, but this one took 2 hours. What changed?”
• “They mentioned their ex. Are they still hung up on them? Am I a rebound?”
• “We haven’t had sex in 5 days. Is the passion dying? Or are we becoming more than just physical?”

Modern Dating Terms: A Dictionary of Anxiety

As if relationships weren’t complicated enough, we’ve created an entire vocabulary to describe the various ways people can be terrible to each other. Each term comes with its own special brand of overthinking:

Ghosting Anxiety: They haven’t texted back in 24 hours. Are they ghosting you? Are they dead? Did they drop their phone in the toilet? Your mind cycles through possibilities ranging from “they’re just busy” to “they’ve entered witness protection to avoid you.” You draft seventeen “just checking in” texts but send none because you don’t want to seem needy. You check their Instagram activity like a forensic investigator. They liked someone’s photo 3 hours ago, so they’re alive and have functioning thumbs. The ghosting is confirmed. Now you overthink what you did wrong, replaying every interaction looking for the moment they decided you weren’t worth a goodbye.

Breadcrumbing Paranoia: They give you just enough attention to keep you interested but never enough to feel secure. A flirty text here, a late-night “you up?” there, maybe an actual date every three weeks. Your overthinking mind becomes a baker, analyzing each crumb: “Is this leading somewhere, or am I following a trail to nowhere?” You calculate response times, measure enthusiasm levels, and try to determine if you’re their priority or just their Tuesday night backup plan.

Love Bombing Confusion: They came on strong. Really strong. Flowers, constant texts, talks about the future after date two. Your overthinking mind is split: Half of you is swept up in the romance, while the other half is screaming “RED FLAG!” You analyze whether this is genuine connection or manipulation. Are they intense because they really like you, or is this the precursor to controlling behavior? You Google “signs of love bombing” at 3 AM and somehow convince yourself you’re both being love bombed AND that you’re the love bomber.

Benching Bewilderment: You’re not in the game, but you’re not cut from the team either. They keep you on the bench with occasional check-ins and vague plans that never materialize. Your overthinking goes into overdrive: “Am I their backup plan? Are they keeping their options open? Should I wait or move on?” You analyze every “we should hang out soon” text like it’s the Da Vinci Code.

The Exclusive/Non-Exclusive Gray Zone

Perhaps nothing causes more overthinking than the exclusive/non-exclusive gray zone. It’s the relationship equivalent of Schrödinger’s cat – you’re simultaneously together and not together until someone opens the box and asks.

This gray zone creates a special kind of mental torture:

• You want to delete dating apps but don’t know if they have
• You assume you’re exclusive but haven’t confirmed it
• You’d be hurt if they were seeing others but technically they’re allowed to
• You’re not seeing anyone else but don’t know if that’s mutual or just you

The overthinking in this zone is Olympic-level:

“They mentioned they went to dinner last night but didn’t say with whom. Was it a date? Am I allowed to ask? If I ask, will I seem possessive? But if I don’t ask, will I seem like I don’t care? Maybe it was with their mom. But why didn’t they just say that? Unless it wasn’t their mom…”

You become a legal scholar, parsing the exact wording of your non-agreement: “We said we weren’t seeing other people, but does ‘seeing’ include talking on dating apps? What about liking thirsty Instagram photos? Where exactly is the line?”

The Social Media Status Minefield

Nothing amplifies relationship overthinking quite like social media. The “relationship status” feature might as well be called “anxiety generator.”

The progression of overthinking:

• When do you become “Facebook official”?
• If they won’t change their status, what does that mean?
• If you’re not Instagram official, are you really together?
• They posted a story at a party. Why weren’t you invited?
• They’re tagged in a photo with someone attractive. Time to spiral!

You analyze their social media like it’s your job:

• Who’s that person commenting with heart eyes?
• Why did they like their ex’s beach photo at 2 AM?
• They posted a quote about “focusing on themselves.” Is that about you?
• They removed a photo of you two. Are you being slowly erased?

The Texting Time Bomb

In undefined relationships, every text exchange becomes loaded with meaning. You overthink not just what to say, but when to say it, how to say it, and what it all means:

• Double texting: Needy or just conversational?
• Response time: Match theirs or text when you want?
• Emoji usage: Too many seems eager, too few seems cold
• Read receipts: The digital torture device
• The typing bubbles that appear and disappear: What were they going to say?!

You draft texts like you’re writing peace treaties: “Hey! Hope you’re having a good day :)” (Delete: too cheerful) “Hey, how’s your day?” (Delete: too bland) “Heyyy” (Delete: too many y’s means you’re drunk) “Hi” (Delete: too formal) Throws phone across room

Breaking the Overthinking Cycle

So how do you stop the relationship status overthinking and actually enjoy whatever it is you’re doing with whoever you’re doing it with?

The Radical Honesty Approach Revolutionary idea: say what you’re thinking. Feeling confused about where you stand? Say that. Want to be exclusive? Say that. The temporary discomfort of an honest conversation is nothing compared to months of overthinking. Yes, you risk rejection, but you also risk clarity – and clarity, even if it’s not what you hoped, is better than anxiety.

The Actions Over Analysis Method Stop analyzing their words and start observing their actions. Do they make time for you? Do they treat you with respect? Do they follow through on plans? Actions don’t lie, even when words are confusing. If someone wants to be with you, you’ll know. If you’re confused, that’s your answer.

The Time Limit Technique Give your situationship an expiration date. Not an ultimatum to them, but a deadline for yourself. “If we haven’t defined this in three months, I’m out.” This prevents endless overthinking about “potential” and forces you to evaluate what’s actually happening.

The Other Options Reminder When you’re overthinking one person’s mixed signals, remind yourself: there are literally billions of other people on this planet. Someone out there is excited to define the relationship, eager to delete dating apps for you, and won’t make you decode their feelings like you’re solving the Enigma code.

The Present Moment Practice Stop overthinking what you are and start enjoying what you’re doing. Are you having fun right now? Do you enjoy their company? Focus on the actual experience instead of its label. Not everything needs to be defined to be enjoyed.

The Truth Nobody Wants to Admit

Here’s the uncomfortable reality: if you’re overthinking your relationship status, you already have your answer. Secure, healthy relationships don’t require detective work. When someone wants to be with you – really be with you – they make it clear. They don’t leave you guessing, analyzing, or decoding.

The person who’s right for you won’t make you wonder where you stand. They won’t breadcrumb you, bench you, or leave you in situationship limbo. They’ll be as eager to define the relationship as you are, because they’ll be just as afraid of losing you as you are of losing them.

Your Permission Slip to Stop Overthinking

You have permission to want clarity. You have permission to ask for what you need. You have permission to walk away from situations that make you feel anxious and confused. You have permission to believe that you deserve someone who’s sure about you.

You also have permission to be single rather than in a situationship that’s slowly driving you insane. Your peace of mind is worth more than a maybe-relationship with someone who can’t decide if they want you.

The next time you find yourself overthinking your relationship status, ask yourself: “Would I tell my best friend to stay in this situation?” If the answer is no, then why are you accepting less than you’d want for someone you love?

Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. Yes, they take work, but the work should be about growing together, not about figuring out if you’re together in the first place. The right person won’t make you wonder. They’ll make you know.

So stop overthinking and start expecting better. Delete the draft of “what are we?” and either ask it out loud or find someone who makes the question unnecessary. Your anxiety deserves a break, and your heart deserves certainty.

The most complicated thing about your relationship status should be how to fit all your happiness into one Facebook update, not whether you’re allowed to post one at all.